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10 Rules For Feeling More Confident

by Ashley on April 24, 2013 · 9 comments

10 rules for feeling more confident

You have huge dreams and massive goals. You are ready to play big and put yourself out there. But you’re still feeling a little shaky. Your confidence isn’t quite as solid as it could be, and you think this might hold you back from living a life you love.

You’re right.

Your dreams become much more feasible when you have a strong sense of confidence. It’s not about being annoyingly self-absorbed or faking the faith you have in yourself. It’s about trusting yourself and believing that you can accomplish whatever goals your heart desires, just as you are.

When I’m coaching my clients, I’ve found that even the most determined and strong women can be held back by a lack of confidence.

I know you have these big dreams and tapping into your confidence is going to play a major role in creating a life you love. That’s why I’m sharing the following 10 rules that are life-changing.

10 Rules For Feeling More Confident


1. Make a promise. No one else is going to create the super awesome life we want for ourselves. Most people probably won’t even be able to understand it. Of course there will be times when amazing people show up to cheer you on, but this is your life. So you have to make a promise to yourself that you’re in this for the long run and be your own best friend along the way.

2. Ignore the voice that says “I can’t”. Most of us have such high standards for ourselves that we pick apart every bit of our idea that’s not perfect yet and it keeps us from making progress. But while we are waiting to “feel ready”, other people are getting raises, being celebrated as dreamers and doers, and seeing their dream life become a reality. These people are not more prepared or more educated than you. They’ve simply made a commitment, jumped in, and hoped for the best. You can too.

3. Be a little more conceited. You know those people who share their opinions without knowing exactly what the outcome will be, who rally everyone around their big ideas, and are the trailblazers of their own lives? Be more like them. We could all benefit from a dose of arrogance to offset our self-doubt. Imagine what would happen if we erased our fear of failure and our anxiety about making the wrong decision. The only way to know what’s possible and how much we’re really capable of is to believe in ourselves.

4. Stop waiting for your gold star. We can’t keep waiting to be praised or validated before we step up. We can’t keep waiting for someone to give us permission or to be invited to join the conversation. Give yourself the nomination, the gold star, and the biggest prize because no one else is going to do it for you.

5. Grow a thick skin. If we begin taking risks and doing things outside of our comfort zone, we’ll be both celebrated and hated. I mean, can you think of a single leader or amazing person you admire who doesn’t have incredibly enthusiastic fans and super harsh critics? We have to get used to not always being everyone’s favorite. We have to let go of needing to be liked and do what we love anyway.

6. Celebrate your strengths. When we explore and nurture our strengths, we begin to feel more alive and more like our true selves. Then we search out more ways to use those strengths and feel even more invigorated. And it becomes a vicious cycle of confidence-boosting goodness which is much more fun than focusing on things you’re not so good at, right?

7. Stop comparing. Only one of two things can happen when you begin looking at someone’s life and wishing you had their adorable house, cushy job, or super cute wardrobe. You either feel worse about your own life and resentful towards that person, or you feel inspired. You’re still comparing yourself to someone else, but the reaction is the crucial moment when you must ask yourself, “How will this help me create the life I want?”

8. Filter feedback. Most of us love to hear feedback and get advice, but we have to remember that most people won’t understand our choices when we’re going after our dreams. By challenging the status quo, you will make other people feel uncomfortable and even judged, because they interpret your growth, your courage, and your sparkle as a direct reflection on their choice to live small and unhappy lives. So interpret feedback carefully. It’s not your job to please others; it’s your job to live a life you love in whatever way feels most authentic to you.

9. Tell other women they are amazing. When we are incredibly confident in our own gifts, we can celebrate the awesomeness of the people around us without feeling threatened or insecure. Let others know how they inspire you and what kind of brilliance you see in them. What we notice and celebrate in others will show up more often in our own world.

10. Share your awesomeness. The most sure-fire way to feel more confident is to begin sharing your gifts with the world. By putting ourselves out there, we are validating that we make a difference, that we have something valuable to contribute, and that we are worthy, which is the magical proof we need to feel more confident.

Are you ready to step out into this big, beautiful world and show off your super awesome self?

Oh, I know you are. And I’m so ready to witness the magic, the love bombs, and the massive changes that will undoubtedly happen because you are confident, and you are ready to do this.

[photo credit: shandilee]

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Clarity Star April 24, 2013 at 7:59 am

I am working on building a thicker skin. Confidence issues can keep a person from doing what they really want to do sometimes.


Eleni April 24, 2013 at 12:29 pm

I definitely needed to read this today. Between you and Peter, I might just get a little of that confidence I need.


Lindsay April 24, 2013 at 4:08 pm

Hi Ashley! Not sure if you remember me, but I participated in VEDA a couple years ago. Anyway, I’ve been feeling a little less sparkly than normal lately and this post was just what I needed. Like you, I’ve recently moved to Canada and I’m trying to figure out how to make my life here super awesome (we moved for my husband’s job and I’ve left behind a strong support system of friends and family). I’d love to hear more about how you’re adjusting to life in Canada from the US. xo


Stephany April 26, 2013 at 10:04 am

Oh, I love this. Especially #3. Something to think about, for sure! :)


Natasha April 27, 2013 at 4:45 pm

I love these rules. My favorite seems to be filtering feedback. I subconsciously do that a great deal but I’m feeling like I should have more feedback in my life. This is an awesome list.


Jessica Lawlor May 4, 2013 at 9:43 am

Love these rules, Ash! Look for this post in my weekly roundup tomorrow!


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