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7 Things You Need To Stop Telling Yourself

by Ashley on May 15, 2013 · 11 comments

7 things you need to stop telling yourself

We all tell ourselves stories. Stories about how brave we are, how smart we are, how creative we are, and how talented we are. Stories about what’s possible and what requires too much work. And these stories create our reality.

When they are positive, encouraging, and full of self-love, these stories ignite our confidence, our self-esteem, and our self-worth. But when they are demeaning, neglectful, and dis-empowering  they give energy to our fears, feed our inner critic, and magnify our self-doubt.

They can lead us closer to, or hold us back from, living our version of a super awesome life.

The amazing thing is that we have the power to control our thoughts and change these stories. When we learn to intentionally control our thoughts, we allow ourselves to change our negative thinking, and in turn, change our whole lives.

The 7 Things You Need To Stop Telling Yourself:

1. I don’t have enough time.

When you tell yourself you don’t have enough time, what you’re really saying is that you don’t want to do something. You could be scared that you might fail or scared of what other people will think. Or maybe it’s just not a priority for you right now, which is totally fine. Just be aware of that and be honest.

2. I can’t do it.

Once you say this, it immediately becomes true. If you already believe that you can’t do something, then it’s going to be nearly impossible for you to actually do it. You’re automatically sabotaging yourself. Next time you want to do something but find yourself saying you can’t, reframe that and start with “I can”. Even this simple shift in your mindset can create radical changes.

3. I’m not thin enough.

Seriously, this has to stop. If you’re truly unhappy with the way your body looks, start moving it more often and filling it with whole foods. Go on a walk. Join a gym. Try yoga. And then begin working on loving yourself, just as you are. I mean, this is the only body you’ve got, so it’s important that you learn to love it now.

4. I’ll never be a good as they are.

“They” are the people who seem to have it all together, all the time. They have the cushy job (that they love) and the perfect family and they run half-marathons every weekend. But “they” don’t matter. What matters is that you identify what you want and how you want your life to feel. Once you are clear on that, then begin taking small steps each day to make it a reality.

5. I’m not worth it.

You may feel worthless because you haven’t completed yoga teacher training, you don’t have a boyfriend, or you’re still stuck in your cubicle after 3 years in the corporate world, instead of moving up to that fancy corner office. But the truth is, you will always be worthy, even if you never cross those items off your Life List. Your worth is not determined by your salary or the number of friends you have on Facebook. Right this moment you are worthy of love and kindness and respect and adventure and freedom and security and confidence. You are worthy of it all.

6. I’m not good enough.

Good enough for what? You’re always good enough to try. And once you’ve tried, even if you don’t end up where you expected, you’ve already made more progress and experienced more growth than someone who hasn’t tried at all. You’ve proven to yourself that you’re worth going after your own dreams. So, go for it. You are enough, always.

7. I’m scared.

Fear is the #1 thing that holds us back from living a life we love. It may be fear of failure, fear of disappointing our parents, fear of what others will think, or fear of embarrassing ourselves by not living up to our own expectations. The thing about fear is that it’s only as powerful as you allow it to be. Once you begin ignoring that voice and going after what you want anyway, things become easier. You become happier. And life becomes fuller.

Now that you know the 7 things you need to stop telling yourself, the first step is to recognize them in your daily life. Start to notice when these thoughts appear or when you say these things to yourself.

Once you have a good understanding of these thoughts and when they most often appear for you, you can begin to work on eliminating them.

Begin by acknowledging it, then replace it with a more positive, encouraging statement. For example, when I notice myself feeling scared about something, I acknowledge the fear and then replace that fear-based thought with this supportive and loving reminder: “I am feeling scared right now and that’s okay. I can do this. I have everything I need to be successful in this moment.”

What things do you need to stop telling yourself? 

[photo credit: zitona]

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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Jo May 15, 2013 at 7:59 am

I definitely have a few of those in my life. The most problematic ones at the moment are ‘I can’t do it’, ‘I’ll never be as good as they are’, and ‘I’m scared’. On a rational level, I know I’m capable and talented, but I struggle to *believe* it.

Thanks for the reminder.


Ashley May 16, 2013 at 7:42 am

You’re welcome, Jo! It can be such a challenge for us when we knoooow we shouldn’t say these things to ourselves and we knoooow we are capable of so much more, but something keeps holding us back.

Here’s a little tip that might help:

Begin noticing when you feel completely in your element- when the world stops for just a minute, when you’re in the zone, fully alive, and 100% confident. What’s going on those moments? Begin investigating and gathering these clues, and then start adding more of these moments into your daily life. Once you start filling your days with more moments of “you”, you’ll start to feel more confident and those self-critical thoughts will become quieter.

Hope that helps!


Jo May 16, 2013 at 8:02 am

Thanks! I’m gradually getting more aware of things like that. Piecing together the clues and looking the for patterns and themes. Getting there!


Gina May 16, 2013 at 11:24 pm

Awesome post, Ashley! I am definitely guilty of telling myself some of things, and you’ve made me more aware of that by writing this post. Thank you!


Shaina Longstreet September 27, 2013 at 12:18 pm

#7 is such a huge one for me. I get scared and that just freezes me. I have totally got to work on this. Thanks for such a great post! :)


Roxy April 12, 2014 at 2:08 pm

Me dull. You smart. That’s just what I neddee.


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