In my previous post on unhealthy relationships I shared why your relationship may be a mistake + what you can do about it. We talked about three different types of unhealthy relationships and I gave you a few tips on what to do if you find yourself in one of those relationships.
Of course, the best way to end an unhealthy relationship is through a break-up. So, today I want to share some ways to get over a break-up without letting it break you.
Six Steps to Get Over a Break-Up
Let it Out.
After a break-up, we often carry around our feelings, which eventually turn into tension and stress. If we don’t release that tension, it can turn against us and make us sick. We can release this extra energy by:
- Talking about it with a friend
- Voicing our opinions honestly and openly with our ex-boyfriend, if you feel safe doing so
- Punching a pillow and crying
- Screaming out aloud and imagining the tension being released with your voice
Some of the most valuable time you will spend with yourself is after a break-up. This is an awesome time to focus on you and what makes you happy. Think about what makes you feel alive, what makes you laugh, and what gives you little boosts of energy.
You may come face to face with loneliness, but once you learn to overcome this fear, you will feel amazing. I promise.
- Take yourself on a date. Put on a fancy dress, buy yourself flowers, treat yourself to some chocolate cake, and take a long walk along the beach. Or whatever your idea of a romantic date is.
- Sit or stand in front of a mirror. Practicing saying “I love you” to yourself, even if it sounds silly. Then start listing qualities you like about yourself, or things you are good at. For example, you could say, “I love that you always know how to make your awesome grilled cheese sandwiches.”, “I love that you love to dance and don’t care who is watching.”, “I love that you are so organized and keep your desk so neat.” We’re practicing loving ourselves for who we are!
Read Something Inspirational.
Letting your thoughts flow freely and writing them on paper can be a huge release during a break-up.
- Ask why – Start with a question or statement, and continue to drill into why you feel that way until you have a truthful and satisfying answer. This can help us understand how we feel and can help erase some of that unnecessary pain. For example, you might start with the statement, “Break-ups suck!”, and your why might be “because I don’t want to be alone”. Now ask yourself, “why don’t I want to be alone?”, and one possible why might be, “because I feel abandoned”. Keep asking yourself “why” until you feel happy with your answer.
- Finding the Lessons – There is always a lesson in a break-up. What did you learn from the relationship? What did you learn from the other person? How is your life better because of it? How will your future relationships be better because of it?
Give it Time.
It takes time to heal. Be patient. Give it more time. I promise the storm will end, and the sun will peak through the clouds. You will be okay.
If you’re in an abusive relationship and are scared to leave, but need help, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-SAFE. They will able to refer you to a safe place in your area. They can also help you create a safety plan and connect you with other resources. You are not alone.