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The Video I Never Planned On Making

by Ashley on March 28, 2014 · 11 comments

Yesterday I was supposed to get on a plane and spend the next six weeks in Canada, but instead I’m still in Texas.

Here’s why:

And since I’m the type of person who writes through her feelings, here’s a snippet of my most recent journal entry:

“3 years, 9 months, 7 days.

The thought of never seeing your face again, never wrapping my arms around you, never hearing your voice. My heart is breaking and my body is shaking.

Tears are falling and I know I chose this, but I can’t walk away without telling you this:

You taught me what it meant to be kind and generous, like no one ever had before. You made me feel cherished and beautiful, inside and out, as cliche as that sounds. I mean it. I never doubted your love for a second.

You gave the most thoughtful gifts, planning months in advance because you knew how happy it would make me. No one will ever top you on that.

You wrote me letters, sent me emails, and called when you said you would. You kept your word. You were honest and never kept me guessing. No games. I needed that.

You taught me how to be angry without putting up walls or running away. You taught me how to fight fair, and what it looks like to stay, even when you’re mad.

You taught me how show up, be on the same team, and love someone with my whole heart. You taught me how to be two feet in, giving it all you’ve got.

We tried hard. We really did. Trying to find a way to make it work. We put it all on the line for each other, and still…

Even when you love someone, sometimes you have to walk away.

When you want different things and when you have different dreams, sometimes the hardest thing to do is listen to your heart because you know that it’s going to break.

Sometimes, even when it seems like they should, the pieces don’t fit together.”

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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Ross March 28, 2014 at 7:27 pm

Ashley,

That was so courageous of you to share this. Sending hugs and much warmth your way.

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Millie March 29, 2014 at 12:39 pm

Hi Ashley,

I have been following my lovely friend from Peronne’s website for a while now and I just wanted to say I’m so sorry it didn’t work out. Your site’s fab by the way and to do a video today was incredibly brave of you. Wish I could treat you to a Chez Pat’s pizza to cheer you up but I’ll settle for sending you virtual hugs instead! Millie x

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Nina March 29, 2014 at 5:31 pm

Oh sweet Ashley, this is so sad :( My thoughts are with you, big hug! x

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Emily March 31, 2014 at 9:51 am

Girrrrrrl, I feel your pain so much. I’m going through the same thing and it just HURTS. No doubt about it. Your courage in sharing this has made me feel supported, though, and I want you to know I support you and am sending you lots of love and light through the internets. You are such a beautiful, strong soul and you help so many people with your work. <3 Take as much time as you need to work through the feelings. There is no time limit. That's what I keep telling myself.

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Erin Lindsey March 31, 2014 at 10:28 am

Hugs…just know we are all here cheering you on.

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Megan March 31, 2014 at 4:48 pm

Oh Ashley… sending you a very big virtual hug. You handled this with such grace and bravery. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself and being so transparent.

[hugs]

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Adrienne March 31, 2014 at 8:19 pm

I never knew about you before today, but it’s beautiful that you made this video. It’s interesting because it seems like there are a lot of us pushing the edges of what we usually share on video, what we usually let videos be about. I’m sure your Soul thanks you for listening to it, you can never go wrong!
Adrienne
PS: I live in LA area, if you’re ever out here say hi!

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Delphia May 1, 2016 at 6:10 am

Thought it wounld’t to give it a shot. I was right.

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Boiling April 1, 2014 at 4:04 am

Aww :( I am sorry about this and really like your authenticity. Hope things become more awesome for you in the future!

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Gina April 1, 2014 at 1:37 pm

Aww, Ashley I’m so sad to hear this. :(

It’s very brave of you to share this here and even braver of you to end something you know in your heart isn’t a good fit.

Sending you lots of love and hugs. <3

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BakingSuit April 14, 2014 at 8:32 am

Oh Ash. I am so sorry to hear this. I remember all of this unfolding to bring you guys together and what a lovely couple you made. Sometime though, it just doesn’t work. Sending you lots of hugs and positive energy while you figure out what’s next.

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