Yesterday I was supposed to get on a plane and spend the next six weeks in Canada, but instead I’m still in Texas.
And since I’m the type of person who writes through her feelings, here’s a snippet of my most recent journal entry:
“3 years, 9 months, 7 days.
The thought of never seeing your face again, never wrapping my arms around you, never hearing your voice. My heart is breaking and my body is shaking.
Tears are falling and I know I chose this, but I can’t walk away without telling you this:
You taught me what it meant to be kind and generous, like no one ever had before. You made me feel cherished and beautiful, inside and out, as cliche as that sounds. I mean it. I never doubted your love for a second.
You gave the most thoughtful gifts, planning months in advance because you knew how happy it would make me. No one will ever top you on that.
You wrote me letters, sent me emails, and called when you said you would. You kept your word. You were honest and never kept me guessing. No games. I needed that.
You taught me how to be angry without putting up walls or running away. You taught me how to fight fair, and what it looks like to stay, even when you’re mad.
You taught me how show up, be on the same team, and love someone with my whole heart. You taught me how to be two feet in, giving it all you’ve got.
We tried hard. We really did. Trying to find a way to make it work. We put it all on the line for each other, and still…
Even when you love someone, sometimes you have to walk away.
When you want different things and when you have different dreams, sometimes the hardest thing to do is listen to your heart because you know that it’s going to break.
Sometimes, even when it seems like they should, the pieces don’t fit together.”