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Why Being Jealous Sucks + How To Get Rid Of That Evil Green Monster

by Ashley on April 19, 2013 · 6 comments

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my life and how grateful I am for where it has taken me. I have created a business that is super awesome, am completely in love with most incredible guy, and spend my free time jogging along the gorgeous Atlantic coast and watching every second of The Voice (and trying not to cry). With a lot of practice, I’ve been making an intentional effort to cherish every moment, recognize the beauty in the small things, and soak up the sparkly goodness for all its worth.

But even though life is amazing, there are still moments when it’s so easy to get sucked into Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram and fall into the comparison trap where that evil, green, jealousy monster lurks in the dark.

I’m sure you know what I mean.

You’re minding your own business and then, BAM!

“Why does Suzy Jane’s life look so effortlessly flawless and I’m busting my butt getting nowhere?” or “How does Mary Jo have the perfect job, the perfect family, and still have time to vacation in Hawaii?! It’s not fair!”

The evil, green, jealousy monster has attacked. You’re writhing in vulnerability and feeling totally incompetent.

So, how do you get over jealousy?

That’s exactly what I’m talking about in today’s Video Diary.

I’m sharing my tips to squash that jealousy monster and get back to the connected, worthy, and brimming with confidence version of you we all know and love.

Watch below to discover the truth behind those “perfect” people you stalk on social media, and learn my tips for how kick that jealousy monster to the curb:

Oh yeah! I can already see your jealousy monster cowering in the corner.

I’d love to know about your experience with jealousy, so leave a comment below sharing what awakens that evil green monster for you and how you blast him away.

I hope your Friday is filled with lots of love. xo

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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Bw April 19, 2013 at 10:17 am

That’s why I stopped looked at other people’s profiles on Fb. This is so difficult to really enforce in life! Thanks for the remindee

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Emma April 19, 2013 at 10:22 am

This is my attempt at addressing your post!

By 27 I completed a few Masters degrees, bought a house, got married, and had secured a full time job. Yet still found myself aching with jealousy of people with cushier jobs and fatter wallets. And while it’s hard not to long for more – status, money, pretty things… that jealousy can be countered by focusing on what you have.

As the adage goes: “Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.”

A recent purchase I made helped me change my outlook overnight. I picked up the 5 Year Journal (http://www.amazon.ca/One-Line-Day-Five-Year-Memory/dp/0811870197) because it looked pretty, and I hadn’t kept a journal since I was in school.

As I filled it, I came to realize two things:

1. Because it keeps my entries short (almost like a twitter journal) I needed to boil down my thoughts to the bare essentials. And they always trended towards gratitude, or to looking forward to something.

2. Because it will cover five years of my life, I know I will accomplish so much in that time. Not only that, but I realized that the things I agonize over, that I’m jealous of now, now won’t even register on my radar five years down the road.

And just like that, my focus shifted away from jealousy to pride in my accomplishments and contentment with my life. Who knows where I’ll be five years down the line — and who knows where those people I’m jealous of will be?

At the risk of making this comment longer than War and Peace, I want to include a story my dad would tell me when I got stressed out over my situation. I used to hate it, but in the past year I have learned to understand it, and love it.

Many iterations of it exist, but here’s the gist:

A prisoner is sentenced to death by the emperor. The prisoner offers that in return for his freedom, he would teach his horse to sing if he’s given a year. The emperor accepts. As the guard takes the prisoner away, he says to the prisoner, “That was silly. There’s no way you can teach a horse to sing. You’ll just be executed anyway.” To which the prisoner replied, “A lot can happen in a year. I may die. The emperor may die. And the horse may learn to sing.”

Don’t get too caught up in your present negative situation, because a year, two years, five years, fifty years from now, it’ll all be different.

And *that’s* how I try to overcome jealousy.

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jan June 10, 2013 at 9:41 am

Thanks Emma for sharing your experience and the little inspiring story. i am gonna try to bear in mind some lines you have written here, in addition to ashley’s tips from the video :)

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Akirah April 19, 2013 at 10:28 am

One thing that has helped me in the past is praying for the person I’m jealous of…or wishing that person well. Sending good thoughts to the person you’re jealous of might seem weird, but eventually your heart catches up with your words and you’re able to let it be and hope the best for that person. This is in situations when you’re REALLY jealous and it’s really affecting you. And irregardless of how much it’s affecting you, it’s just good practice to wish others well. We’re all living our lives, which is hard stuff (just take a look at all the crap that’s going on today!). So I’d just add to your list, in my experience, wanting others to succeed in addition to yourself can really help re-frame your thoughts.

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Cait April 20, 2013 at 5:47 pm

A lot of times, my jealousy isn’t mean-spirited but simply a longing for what someone else has. I don’t get angry and I don’t stew about it. For a while, I was jealous of people having a travel bug and visiting different states and countries because it seemed really awesome. After some thought, I realized I didn’t actually want that because traveling doesn’t appeal to me right now. I was originally jealous of this perfected idea of eating an authentic meal or visiting a landmark without taking into consideration the travel and being in a strange place, both of which would exhaust me.

Other times, if I’m truly jealous because I want something that someone else has, I try to figure out how to get it. This is what I’m doing now with crafting goals – if someone makes cute things or has an Etsy shop, I consider getting in touch with them to ask for their inspiration or simply work on my own projects and creativity.

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