“Love shouldn’t hurt, drag you through an emotional roller coaster or leave you feeling like less of a person.” – Michelle Hall
When you’re in a relationship with someone you really like, or even love, it’s easy to overlook the moments, situations, and actions which may be unhealthy. You are so wrapped up in the idea of love that you can’t see the name calling, the subtle controlling behaviors, or the manipulative comments.
Your parents and friends may have tried to talk to you about, but you don’t want to listen. You are in love.
So, how do you know if your relationship is a mistake, or worse… unhealthy?!
Here are three different ways a relationship can be unhealthy:
Abuse can be physical or emotional, or both. You know you’re in this situation when you find yourself walking on eggshells and trying to not say or do the wrong thing because the abuser has made it clear that their happiness is based on your actions. This type of relationship can be the most toxic and painful because it carves away at who you are.
This person needs to know where you are at all times, to the point whereyou have no freedom. And usually, the same rule does not apply to them- they can do whatever they want! You are supposed to give them space and freedom, let them go when and where they please. This is unhealthy because you are always on edge, feeling controlled rather than in love.
With a manipulator, your emotions become a game. You are a puppet and they are the master. They know just which buttons to push, which strings to pull. Often they are selfish or self-centered people, concerned only with their needs. They find ways to get what they want out of you. Over time, they can rob you of your own thoughts and steal your ability to feel good without them. In very serious cases, this toxic relationship can lead to suicide, as a last attempt at escaping the manipulator.
If you find yourself in one of these three types of relationships, it is unhealthy and your relationship may be a mistake.
What You Can Do About It
Toxic or unhealthy relationships can be the hardest to end. It will take a lot of inner strength because the relationship has stripped away so much of you and created fear and hurt where they used to be joy. But you can do it. You are worth it and you deserve someone who loves you and treats you with respect.
Once you’ve made the decision to end your relationship, you can begin taking steps to make sure you are safe. This may be relying on your parents or enlisting the help of your best friends, a teacher, or another adult you trust.
Next, you must cut the ties with your boyfriend completely. No texting, no facebook stalking, no phone calls. I know it’s hard, but trust me, it will be easier if you can cut off all contact.
Surround yourself with supportive and loving people. Make plans with your friends. Go out to the movies. Play video games. Go swimming. Go bowling. Plan a party!
And allow yourself to grieve the loss of your relationship. It will take time and a lot of hard work, but you can get through it.
Your health, happiness and life depend on it.