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"The 5 Things That Hold You Back"!

Why Your Relationship May Be a Mistake + What You Can Do About It

by Ashley on July 12, 2012 · 2 comments

“Love shouldn’t hurt, drag you through an emotional roller coaster or leave you feeling like less of a person.” – Michelle Hall

When you’re in a relationship with someone you really like, or even love, it’s easy to overlook the moments, situations, and actions which may be unhealthy. You are so wrapped up in the idea of love that you can’t see the name calling, the subtle controlling behaviors, or the manipulative comments.

Your parents and friends may have tried to talk to you about, but you don’t want to listen. You are in love.

So, how do you know if your relationship is a mistake, or worse… unhealthy?!

Here are three different ways a relationship can be unhealthy:

The Abuser

Abuse can be physical or emotional, or both. You know you’re in this situation when you find yourself walking on eggshells and trying to not say or do the wrong thing because the abuser has made it clear that their happiness is based on your actions. This type of relationship can be the most toxic and painful because it carves away at who you are.

The Controller

This person needs to know where you are at all times, to the point whereyou have no freedom. And usually, the same rule does not apply to them- they can do whatever they want! You are supposed to give them space and freedom, let them go when and where they please. This is unhealthy because you are always on edge, feeling controlled rather than in love.

The Manipulator

With a manipulator, your emotions become a game. You are a puppet and they are the master. They know just which buttons to push, which strings to pull. Often they are selfish or self-centered people, concerned only with their needs. They find ways to get what they want out of you. Over time, they can rob you of your own thoughts and steal your ability to feel good without them. In very serious cases, this toxic relationship can lead to suicide, as a last attempt at escaping the manipulator.

If you find yourself in one of these three types of relationships, it is unhealthy and your relationship may be a mistake.

What You Can Do About It

Toxic or unhealthy relationships can be the hardest to end. It will take a lot of inner strength because the relationship has stripped away so much of you and created fear and hurt where they used to be joy. But you can do it. You are worth it and you deserve someone who loves you and treats you with respect.

Once you’ve made the decision to end your relationship, you can begin taking steps to make sure you are safe. This may be relying on your parents or enlisting the help of your best friends, a teacher, or another adult you trust.

Next, you must cut the ties with your boyfriend completely. No texting, no facebook stalking, no phone calls. I know it’s hard, but trust me, it will be easier if you can cut off all contact.

Surround yourself with supportive and loving people. Make plans with your friends. Go out to the movies. Play video games. Go swimming. Go bowling. Plan a party!

And allow yourself to grieve the loss of your relationship. It will take time and a lot of hard work, but you can get through it.

Your health, happiness and life depend on it.

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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Sam September 8, 2012 at 1:04 pm

I experienced a relationship that was a combination of all three of these. I didn’t realize what a toxic relationship this was for a long time–even after the never-ending nagging of my best friend. Perhaps I didn’t want to see it, perhaps I wanted to believe she was jealous. Whatever the reason, I came out of the relationship very well-adjusted.

You heard me. I attribute this almost entirely to the way in which I chose to take back control. I ended the relationship on my terms, after taking a step back, evaluating his actions critically, and deciding that enough was enough. From my experience, I think it’s important that young girls in this situation empower themselves by making decisions that positively impact their lives. For anyone going through this–you CAN do it. You have the strength, you’re rockin’ and you deserve a relationship that is full of fun!

The nagging by my friend probably prolonged this relationship with my own selfish desire to “prove her wrong,” and that was wrong of me. If you have a friend in this situation, you should be loving, supportive and remind her of exactly how awesome she is by treating her as you know she should be treated. Be there when she needs to bitch and whine about her significant other. Had I been able to do this, I would have realized much sooner what a LOSER my ex was. So ladies, be there for your girls!

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